Anxiety of a full-time photographer and a filmmaer
This blog is about being open and sharing my journey and life lessons. So today, I am sharing a page from my diary.
YOU ARE NOT DOING IT WRONG!
My anxiety is real, and it has kicked in. I caught myself filling a page of my diary writing down words that describe how I have been feeling lately. I only realised I was scribbling when I had to close the diary quickly when my wife entered the room.
I am not a quitter… so don’t let these words make you think that. I am strong, making my older self and younger version proud of me!
That’s me in the photo above, except the chaos is in my mind. There’s so much in flight and nothing seems to be moving forward.
The excitement and newness of starting is gone! It’s been 9 months.
The clarity and sight of the finish line or results are not here.
Welcome to the messy middle, MUJAHID UR REHMAN!
I read a few notes from someone who said, “You are not doing it wrong, you are in the hardest part where most people quit”. This is where I shouldn’t mistake self-doubt for doing it wrong. Feeling uncertain may mean that I am on the REAL PATH. He further wrote, “Growth is awkward, progress is non-linear, and mastery is built through hardship”.
The thought of hardship prevents most people from starting, and many stop when the going gets tough. However, the ones who keep moving succeed.
He further said that instead of thinking, “I should have figured it out by now,” reframe it to, “This is what figuring it out feels like.”
Stay in that room, brick by brick, 1 at a time.
With that, I leave you with a page of my diary. You will see that while I am anxious, I am full of hope because I am giving it my best.
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Quote of the Day: “You are doing a great job, Muji, I know you can do it” ~ Muji
Video of the week: “My Anxious Heart”, a short film I made sharing how I feel.
Kind regards
Muji
